Three Parrots

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.





The next day he went to the pet shop and saw 3 identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "How much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was $250.
"$250", the man said. "Well, what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Windows XP Professional”, responded the clerk. "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the 2nd parrot cost.
The clerk replied, “$500, but he not only knows Microsoft Windows XP Professional, but is an expert computer programmer.”

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "$1,000."
Curious as to how a bird could cost $1,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well, to be honest, I haven't seen him do anything. But the other two call him BOSS!”

More experiences with persons we call them BOSSES:

Incidence 1:
I remember one visit of my old boss to Pukin Estate. Spotting a patch of sheet lallang at the far end of the palm rows, Mr. Chan turned his head to my Assistant and asked in a sarcastic tone, ”Mr. Lee, when did we grow paddy in our estate?” I knew that he was shooting arrow the manager.

Incidence 2:
In the VA Questionnaire, the Manager wrote that all lallang had been tackled. Unfortunately, a sporadic patch of flowering lallang was spotted. The Manager quickly apologized,” Sorry, Sir. I had checked with my Senior Assistant and he had given me his assurance.” The VA asked, “Who is the Manager of the estate?”

Manager is the BOSS of the estate. Don’t take things for granted. At the end of the day, he is solely responsible for all works carried out in his plantation. Things will definitely go wrong if merely delegation without follow up. Always remember to check and cross check. Walk the fields more often. Seeing is believing. Solve problems at site. There is no short cut about it.

When the Manager queried his Senior Assistant,” How come you told me that there was no more lallang?” We can expect the answer from the Senior Assistant,” Sorry, Boss. My Assistant told me no more lallang.” When the Assistant was questioned, his answer was the same, “My Conductor told me no more lallang.” When the Conductor was bombarded by his Assistant, he could only answer,” My mandore told me so.” Finally, the mandore became the victim of the Conductor. He was yelled and shouted at by his BOSS!

Always Allow Your Boss To Speak First

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss were on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they came across a wonder lamp. They rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared.

The genie said, "Normally, one is granted 3 wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, “I want the 1st wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries for a month." Pfufffff and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and he shouted aloud, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a month." Pfufffff and he was also gone.

Then it's the boss's turn, and he said calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"

When Pukin Estate was taken over by IOI in May 1985, I was reminded by my new boss that he was a planter meaning I could not hide any problems from him. It was usually not easy for old staff to survive in new management but thank God, I somehow managed to last for 10 long years in the company with 5 transfers until I resigned in June 1995 by accepting a better position offered to me by another plantation company.

I just want to share a few valuable incidences with Tan Sri, my XiFu, during the good old days:-

Incidence 1:

When Tan Sri came for a visit, he stopped at the 1st palm and pulled out some weeds from the trunk. As we walked along I quickly started pulling out the weeds from the next palms before he did it again. He had shown us a very good example of “Lead by example”.

Incidence 2:

Tan Sri used to ask us 3 FAQ (frequently asked questions) when he visited our estates,” Have you ever come here?” “Did you see this?” “Why no action had been taken?” After answering “Yes” to the 1st two questions, we ended up being bombarded by his 3rd question.

Incidence 3:

In the earlier days, when Tan Sri was angry at the unsatisfactory field condition, he used to challenge us, “I will come back in 3 months time.”

In one occasion, I challenged him back after my transfer to Morisem Estate, Sabah, in December 1988. He came for his 1st visit in April 1989 and was not happy with the backlog of crop in the fields and the over ripening bunches on the palms. Such problems were, unfortunately, the consequence of non-stop raining weather dragged on for months since December 1988.

Nevertheless, we were working hard to repair the main access road outside the estate leading to Jeroco Palm Oil Mill. At that time our only outlet was Kretam Palm Oil Mill but we had to send our FFB lorries across the Kinabatangan River by scow towed by a tug boat. We could manage 1 trip a day, if lucky, due to poor condition of main access road to Sandakan and the tidal problem of the river.

I said sorry to Tan Sri and admitted my mistakes for not able to clear the crop backlog and some bunches were rotting on palms. I told him that should he come again in 3 months time and find no improvement or still not satisfied with my work, then I would bag and go. Of course, I stayed back since I did not fail my work commitment.

"Thank you, XiFu. I have been using your doctrine nowadays whenever walking the fields with my General Managers, Senior Estate Managers and Estate Managers. That should be the ways plantations are best managed."

My Boss & Me

When I take a long time
I am slow.
When my boss takes long time
He is thorough.
When I don't do it
I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it
He is too busy.
When I do something without being told
I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same
That is initiative.
When I please my boss
I am apple - polishing
When my boss pleases his boss
He's co-operating.

I am always thankful to my old boss, Mr. Chan Fong Ann, who took me in as an Executive Field Manager for Pukin Estate in Keratong, Pahang, in July 1978 and made me a “Planter”.

Here I wish to recall a few incidences whereby I had learned some valuable lessons from him.

Lesson No. 1 * Who is smarter? *

When Mr. Chan appeared in the witness stand of the Muar High Court for the case of claiming crop damages by fire spread from a neigbouring estate, he chose to speak through a Mandarin interpreter.

The defending lawyer somehow sensed that my boss could understand English and he was irritated,” Mr. Chan, I put it to you that you are a liar. You can speak English!”

My boss just turned his head to the interpreter,” Ta shuo shen mok? (What is he saying?)”

Lesson No. 2 * A Born Linguist *

My old friend, Mr. Song BS of May & Bayer, asked me when he came to Pukin Estate, “Is your boss, Mr. Chan, a UK graduate?”

“What makes you think so?” I answered him with a question.

“When I called him, he spoke with an Oxford accent!” Song told me.

In actual fact, Mr. Chan was such a born linguist that he spoke fluent English, Malay, Mandarin, Hokkien, Teow Chew and Hakka, his own dialect. I was told that he did not receive much education during his younger days.

So expat planters in Indonesia, we need to master Bahasa Indonesia.

Lesson No. 3 * Quit smoking *

When I decided to quit smoking in 1981, Mr. Chan helped me to push away cigarettes offered to me by other smokers. He used to remind them,” Don’t be a devil. The doctor told Loh to give up smoking. Can’t you see that he has been coughing badly these days?”

The success of quitting smoking is not only the strong will to stop buying cigarettes, but also the power to reject the evil temptation when cigarettes were offered by others. Thank you, boss.

One Indonesian Manager told me that he had stopped buying cigarettes but he ended up as a Sumitro (Suka minta rokok), always asking cigarettes from others.

SS Quek, my Senior Assistant in Swee Lam Estate in 1990-91, quit smoking successfully but he ended up being addicted to “Hacks” sweets. I just told Pak Jalailuddin of Kebun Plasma Wilayah Pall 8 of PT BSS not to replace cigarettes with “gula – gula”. I noticed that he popped in a sweet every now and then and he carried a pocket full of sweets with him.

Never Offend (or Test The Wisdom Of ) An Old Man

Do U look like a “Peacock”?

Read on…. I bet u will laugh. Hehehe…

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.

A teenager sat down next to him. He had spiked hair that was red, orange, yellow, green, blue & violet. The old man stared. Whenever the teen looked, the old man was staring.

Finally, the teenager said sarcastically: “What’s the matter, old boy, never done anything wild in your life?”

Without missing a beat the old man replied, “Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I’m just wondering if you were my son.”

Morale of the story:

Never offend an WOM (wild old man). He may be a COM (cunning old man) or a DOM
(dirty old man).

If any of the following stories sounds familiar to you, it could be just a coincidence.

Story 1:
One Estate Manager was stagnant at his position for years because he had once offended his superior, trying to test the wisdom of someone who was older and wiser.
“Prove me wrong and I will promote you,” that’s the remark from his CEO.
He was finally promoted only after the CEO’s retirement from the company.

Story 2:
Another Estate Manager tried to please his Plantation Advisor telling him that he had spent nights of patrolling to chase away the elephants from intruding.
“Our company can’t afford to pay a watchman with such a high salary,” the Plantation Advisor told him bluntly.

Story 3:
When a Head Office guy called the estate and the Manager not around, the usual answer from the CC, “Manager’s in the fields, Sir.” In one particular estate, the CC answered differently, “Manager’s in the workshop, Sir.” The Head Office guy just wondered, “Is he a Plantation Manager or a Workshop Manager?”

Story 4:
During the Chairman’s visit, the Plantation Manager kept a tin of biscuits in his vehicle trying to impress the big boss that he was very hard working so he used to skip meals.
“Have you prepared lunch for us?” the Plantation Director asked him.

Problem Solving?

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went on generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. So this went on and on, one day after next, and so forth.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way. Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" the driver stood up, glared back at him, and screamed, "And WHY NOT?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the story:

"Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."

The way I look at it:

Practical planter always tries to solve any problem on site where he can see for himself, make analysis, trace to find out the root cause of the problem and take appropriate action to solve it. Afraid to commit oneself on the first place, based on false assumption or wrong information, is already the beginning of failure. Never fear of tackling a problem but make sure it is a real problem and not an excuse for not doing the job. Ever heard of, “Failure is the mother of Success?”

Being professionals, we must able to do the impossible (especially in Crisis Management) and not finding excuses not to do the possible (routine work and operations).

(The IMPOSSIBLE MISSION always turns out to be POSSIBLE!)

Engineer & Manager!

Guess the moral of this short story?

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degree north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am", replied the man, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The man below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same situation you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault”

The way I look at it: -

A professional must be responsible to the job assigned to and be committed to achieve company’s goals and targets. When consulting others on problem solving, do not try to point fingers and expect problems be solved by others.

Knowing Where To Tap

Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed?

The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer…………….$ 2.00
Knowing where to tap……………….$ 9,998.00

Likewise, old or rather senior planters like us are paid well because we know where to tap to lower cost of production reasonably by increasing crop production and OER (Oil Extraction Rate)%. Afterall, experiences gathered over the years and knowing where to make an effort in plantation management makes the real difference!